There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dude. I can hear the air.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
