am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
