So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
