I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
