Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
