this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
