Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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