In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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