That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
