watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
