So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
