I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
