My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
