i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
