I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
