im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
