can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
