Define "chronic" masturbator.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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