i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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