I saw his package. It spoke to me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
