Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
