I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
