i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
tell me about the eggs
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