You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
