apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
