college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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