the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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