Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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