my vag is so smooth its legendary
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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