Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
