my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
