I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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