sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
