i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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