If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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