i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
