We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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