I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
