Who did Billy Mays play for?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
