But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
