She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize