Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
