she looked like the before picture.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
