ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
