You're so nebulous sometimes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
