I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
