i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
