In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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