I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
