You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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