You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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