I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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