ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
