dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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