and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
