i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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