You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
