I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
