i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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