Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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