does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
