eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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