if you like me you must not know who I am
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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