we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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